In recent months a term has become fashionable in the world of modern relations: polyamory. It is an increasingly common trend among those who want to live their love freely with several partners simultaneously.
Do you want to know what it is? And most importantly, do you want to know if you could be polyamorous?
Polyamory is in fashion. If you surf the internet or have appointments in the 21st century, you have probably heard that curious word.
Polyamorous people (or ‘poly’, as those who participate in this way of life, also call themselves) are people capable of maintaining an intimate, lasting and sexual relationship with several people at the same time, something increasingly frequent and widespread, especially in big cities.
Sounds difficult, yes, but who doesn’t like challenges? Actually, it is not that these people need new challenges or have travelled all the Kamasutra positions and need new experiences … It goes much further.
What is polyamory?
As we said, the concept of polyamory is to love several people at once. But contrary to what many people think about this way of living relationships, it is not about infidelity.
In polyamory, there are agreed guidelines among those involved. That is, everyone agrees that the relationship is like this and they feel comfortable away from monogamy, with the idea of being able to extend the love life in a respectful way towards other people.
The word originated in the early 1990s when polyamory began to become popular globally. The people who practice it are called poly, polyamorous or polyamoric, among others.
Polyamory is about people who have simply changed their perception of love relationships and live them differently from the traditional way. Is it better? Is it worse? Is it an evolution of conventional relationships? No, it is simply different.
Call it relational anarchy
Polyamory can have many aspects. Perhaps the best known is polygamy (marriage with several people), but what is referred to when talking about it today is another type of relationship, especially polyfidelity (maintaining relationships with several couples in those who do not practice s3x beyond these people) or too hierarchical relationships (where there is the main couple and other secondary ones).
In the end, it is inevitable that in this way of understanding love that the last case occurs, since two people are never loved equally.
Everyone here sets their own rules. It is a consensus between at least two people where ethics rules and limits are established. ” Communication is essential, and have a lot of empathy with other people.
Maybe my main relationship becomes jealous when I meet someone and you have to count on that. Or even if I see that another relationship of yours affects me negatively, I feel displaced or have some fear, it is a matter of speaking it and that the other is aware of what is happening.
And it is that talking about feelings seems paradoxical when the majority of people who see this type of relationship from outside think that it is a way of being able to practice piece s3x. ” It’s not about collecting lovers, but about meeting people when it arises or feels like it.
A different way of looking at relationships: advantages of polyamory
We know the theory about what it is: the main relationship and the possibility of having several secondary ones. But how is it put into practice? There are different polyamory groups in the world.
There are people of all kinds, homosexuals, heterosexuals, curious … And everyone chooses their interests, but always complying with basic rules of respect and acceptance.
If we go further, to the core of a polyamorous relationship, how is such honesty managed? What differences are there with conventional relationships? “The main difference is that I feel free because I talk about everything and I am not afraid to say anything.
I now propose things to my partners that I did not do before, because trust is total, much more than in my previous monogamous relationships,” recognize. “I also learn what they are and what my limits are not and I know people in a different way. And on an intimate level, obviously, it is very enriching.”
“Going back to a monogamous relationship? It’s possible, I don’t rule it out, but I also think I might miss meeting other wonderful people in the meantime,” he says. ” Now I feel super loved and I feel that love is not limited.
The fact that I know you have people who love you and who you love, beyond your friends is amazing. It’s like having a partner multiplied by three.” Come on, that for many people the classic love stories have been outdated.
That is, in general, polyamorous people consider monogamy to be a valid option like polyamory, but they do not practice it because it does not meet their emotional and/or sexual needs.
Many people reach polyamory after breaking a relationship or several monogamous relationships that didn’t work because they felt the need to be with more people. Or even, from a stable monogamous couple who decides to prove that the relationship is open by realizing that they naturally feel love, affection or sexual attraction towards other people while still feeling it for their partner.
Are there rules in polyamorous relationships?
It is common to think that polyamorous people live their relationships without any type of norm, but this is not usually the case. It is usual that there are agreements with the different couples let everyone know what to expect from the specific relationship and what kind of behaviours (affection, sexual …) are acceptable in it.
Based on this, the rules can be very varied, because it depends on what each poly person looks for in each relationship. In addition, they are usually flexible and can be reviewed according to the evolution of the couple.
However, some of the most frequent norms are usually related to sincerity and trust. The lie should not have a place in this type of relationship, because they seek precisely to escape the restrictions present in monogamy. People seek to share their love and/or sexual desire with other people without the need to be unfaithful or hide this reality from their partner.
How do you live s3x in polyamory?
The concept of polyamory revolves more around love than s3x, as its name indicates. In this way, although normally the sexual is implicit, it is not in all cases. A clear example of this are asexual people who can also be polyamorous. Being so, sexual partners are not sought, but intimacy and affection.
In those polyamorous people in whom the sexual aspect does exist, trust is paramount. Keep in mind that the practice of s3x with several people can carry certain risks, so doing it safely is essential for members to feel comfortable and protected.
Thus, it is most appropriate for poly people to reach an agreement in this regard with their sexual partners: from protection methods to relevant medical check-ups.
An experience not suitable for everyone: disadvantages of polyamory
But, as in everything, as there are advantages such as feeling freer, meeting many people who can bring you different things at different times of your life or, why not, enjoy more s3x, lead this kind of life also has its cross “The first disadvantage is that society judges you, that it seems that it is wrong for me to love several people or to be branded as promiscuous, ” Alicia reflects.
“On the other hand, on a personal level, managing jealousy is not easy. In fact, this type of relationship is not for everyone, especially for very jealous or insecure people,”.
“And another disadvantage: sometimes you don’t have time for anything!” Finally, we must not forget that not because of the fact of being polyamorous, there is no infidelity: if you lie or cheat without telling you that disloyalty still exists.
If you want to experience new things in your relationships, but this of polyamory does not convince you, you do not see yourself prepared or simply do not get your attention. There are many ways to experiment with your partner or with yourself. Why not try any of these toys?
And it is perhaps difficult to understand this type of couples but, in any case, who is anyone to criticize that others are happy in their relationships in a different way than conventional?